My mother

I've been lonely.  It was even dreaded before.

Especially I'm alone in that rented room near my workplace.  My friends (not colleagues, and I don't have work friends) they're occupied. So here I am minding my own business...The new ones, the old ones are even more.  But I can't tell them that I'm lonely cuz that would b selfish.  And I knw several who actually choose to distant themselves.

There's a prayer on how not to feel lonely, you knw you are lonely but you won't feel that way, because Allah is there, but at the same time..these feelings are what make me write.  Words by words.  Beautiful even no one reads it, even no one thinks nothing of it.  May Allah grants me what's best for me.  

The song Your Mother by various artist

"...who should I take good care of?

..giving all my love..."

This part n the way the kid sings it, the stress on Giiiving

aih it's just a tear jerker.

Missing her.

رَبَّنَا اغْفِرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيَّ وَلِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَوْمَ يَقُومُ الْحِسَابُ

Oh Allah, forgive her and elevate her station among to those who are guided.  Send her along the path of those who came before, and forgive us and her, O lord of the worlds.  Enlarge for her grave and shed light upon her in it.

♥️♥️♥️

Writing: A contest but I lost

Yellow

 

Seha boiled things.  She boiled cups, plates and other kitchenware.  Today, she boiled some towels.  When she thought the world was through with it, intrusive thoughts took over.  Many rejoiced and many remained cautious even when the end of Covid-19 was finally declared.   

Watching the bubble heat up in rage satisfied her baggy eyes behind the fogged up glasses.  She could almost see the germs burnt away, brutally.  She stirred the water to see it calmed and bubbled up again in almost instantly, more furious.  She turned the stove off.

She had to boil them today, the air was wet.  Germs or virus, they love it like that.  She walked closer to the window to observe the day.  The downpour was beginning to slow down to a drizzle.  The grass became glossy, reflecting the Sun and slowly they waved through the soft breeze. 

People were already out and about.  A man hurriedly climbed up his house which looked like it throwing up trees to fetch his forgotten full face respirator.  He put it on while sliding down the bamboo ladder to join the waiting others.  It’s that time of the month where the fittest would head to a place where several underground tankers were kept.  The collected rainwater was made drinkable after undergoing a clean technology.

Seha was angry.  It’s been there for a while now.  It was red.  It escaped whenever she’s alone.  She had always been alone ever since her mom’s death.  It was dreadful.  She was one from numerous Coronavirus’ victims.  Her dad left to find solace.  When the world enforced a lockdown, again, he knew he had to stay there, wherever he was.  That was not many years ago.

Occasionally, a 30sen postcard would arrive on Seha’s doorstep.  His strong, slight cursive penmanship was always brief and monotonous: pupils have internet now. All. 

Fortunately the internet services remained fine, perhaps better.  Everything went online, including authorized websites such as “Sembang” or “Kitahidupsolo”.  As the names suggested, the NGOs were trying to help boosting mental health of many people who were addicted to self-isolation.  Prolonged lack of contact with others had started taking its toll.  Believing technology could be helpful to tackle loneliness, they reinitiated the long forlorn trend.  Seha thought the efforts were cynical.  Even the names were cringing.

However it’s the case with Seha.  Juwa, her next door friend, haven’t replied her text.  She went out.  Spinach was ready for harvest.  She put the towels on a wire hung between the beeping sliding door and the floor where the bamboo ladder was bound to.  Houses were bound to many individual big trees and a rope ladder was tied in between.  She looked at Juwa’s closed door.  Seha sensed the TV was on.

“Juwa, are you there?” She half yelled. 

Heavy, fast steps were heard.  Seha was anticipating Juwa to appear through any of the windows. 

Juwa appeared through the sliding door.  Despite faded yellow respirator covering her face, Seha could pick up what was about to come.  Her chest filled with remorse.

“What do you want? It’s obvious!”  Juwa questioned.  The red that Seha managed to swallow started to grow in her.

“Huh? what IS obvious?” Seha asked.

 “-that I don’t want to talk to you,” Juwa folded her arms.

“Well, yeah I was worried, I-“

“Well stop, I’m fine and I thought I sensed your anger, don’t come out here making me the bad guy!”  Juwa spat.  

The red inside her belly grew bigger.  Her breath was heavy.

            “…I am happy, well taken care of now-”

            My brain tricked me, shows me how my mom died, on loop.

“…You always need attention, it’s too much!”

You’ve never given any, why the outburst?

A thunder was heard and felt something snapped inside her.  The red, it came out as hot as its colour.  Like a fire had ever flamed, it burnt the person she rooted forau the most.  She wouldn’t forget her eyes, how she got burnt to ashes. 

Seha sizzled when the rain dropped on her.  Seha went inside, took off her now burnt yellow respirator, took out her frozen nasi lemak and microwaved it.  She guessed she really needed the “Sembang” afterall.

 

Theme: Post Covid (I forgot)

Word Limit: 700 words (this piece is 700 words exactly the initial draft was around 1k n I misunderstood the word limit)

Movie: Pad Man

One evening, while we were vidcalling, Kapana suggested us to watch a movie and I looked up for it and didn't there's a movie on that.  I've heard about a guy who created pads for his wife and the villagers think he's gone mad and that his wife eventually left him.  That's all.  

Upon learning Akshay Kumar is the lead character, I needed to watch this.  Watching the trailer was exciting enough.

So we watched, and we learned that there's more to it (of course).

This movie is based on the true story but it's not an actual biography; just like I said, it's based on.  They don't use the actual name and I believe it's georaphically different too. 

This is a total eye opening, how a large number of woman in India alone (at that time) don't use sanitary pads.  How can we knw if we never witnessed such movies rite.  

They celebrate the coming of age of a girl's first menstruation but the men, they never talked to and talk about this with their females; be it wives, sisters etc.  It works both ways..the males aren't bothered to deal and educate themselves (and also ignorantly disgustingly disturbed by the topic) and to those women who never talked about this to their males; husbands, sons, and brothers.  A very frustrated moments for me.  Fortunately we live in a community where it's not a total taboo to talk about this.  I can casually say to a new, male colleague that I'm on my period (got asked whether I've performed solat or not so he can take over while I take a break).

Males however still are shy to buy pads from the store but we can understand, I don't mind that as long as they don't think that's a wrongful deed or smthing.  I'd like to think that they're probably think that the store would think it's them that be needing the pads.

hahah. brains r crazy 🤣

Padman

Synopsis:Upon realizing the extent to which women are affected by their menses, a man sets out to create a sanitary pad machine and to provide inexpensive sanitary pads to the women of rural India.

Genre: Biography, Comedy, Drama

Director(s): R. Balki

Actors: Akshay Kumar, Radhika Apte, Sonam Kapoor, Saurabh Agarwal

  IMDB: 8.3

Me and sister openly shipping these two.  The lady is a fictional character but it plays a big role.  She's his first customer.  The look on his face when he received "it works as it should.." feedback from her.

Bawah100: Certot: Brother

“Just pretend to be my date…” She said out of blue and I choked my hot coffee.  She looked at me with her ocean eyes and with nose that crinkled. 

“…Just for the old times sake, you know” she continued.  I raised my eyebrows.  

“Well umm sure, tell me what you need, I guess,” I replied while she tugged my left arm and wrapped hers around it.  I held the cup in the other.  The snow had stopped and this warmed me. 

I could never be him but this was the closest thing I could offer her after the tragic.

(100 words/patah)

Bawah100: Certot: Tenaga

Status-status yang baru sahaja dimuat naik aku tak tunggu lama, tak perlu aku menidakkan kemahuan sendiri.  Bukan aku nak buktikan apa-apa dan juga bukan ada yang aku ingin sembunyikan. 

Namun aku lupa, mereka tak suka.  Mungkin, fikir aku mereka sebenarnya tak senang dengan tindakanku ini.  Tak kurang juga dengan mereka yang mampu menzahirkan keseronokan apabila aku memberi respon.  Untuk itu, terima kasih, I wanted to make your day but instead you have made mine. 

“Their energy just don’t match mine,” Aku memuncung.

Aku larikan jemariku pada beberapa nama dan tekan ‘mute’ dan serentak itu paras ‘self care’ aku dinaik taraf.

Birthday: HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRANK ANTHONY IERO

YOU'RE 37

ME AND GERARD LOVE YOU SO MUCH

(AND GASOLINE DIAMOND TOO)

 

extra

Movie: Sangkar

spoiler alert

tulis x siap lg tp ak publish je la..nnti edit lg 

The name itself is something that caught me and also the fact that Remy Ishak is in it.  My dad kinda a fan of him but never really watches any of his movies.  I don't remember watching the trailer the first time but I guess I got attracted to it since it's a fighting movie, an action genre movie (I fancy comedy action most, so yay).  I wished to watch it in the cinema with family members oh ya this movie kinda released during my dad's birthday so yah but it got dragged on with business cough and other excuses.

My colleague told me about her sister (if not mistaken) said she dislikes this movie since there's no romance element.  Which at first kind of a cringe because people actually look up for that, squint hard what?  Then don't watch it girl!  Don't you see the poster?? It's the main two guys, face to face and some action is going on duhh.   

It's a fast pace movie which is good.  I think it is well written, the script is too.  No grays.  The messages, the comedy elements (it's subtle (it's not) but I had a good laugh), the cinematography, the characters development and I got to tell that I'm impressed with Zul Ariffin's acting, I know him but the truth is I don't really watch him in other movies.  The latest was when he was in the Hantu Kak Limah something, and he plays an Ustaz and in which it's a comedy movie so I don't really think I can judge their acting there (hahha who am I to judge,, eheh a moviegoer?).  I like his casualty in the term of speaking unlike the other *cough (not Remy , the other one) especially the part when he insisted on giving the money and also the scene where the two; Adam and Johan are in the field, telling about his family background.  It's marvelous and it's real.

Bob: ...aku cari kau sampai lubang cacing!

Adam: HAHA kau dengar tu? Kau mana muat, lubang hidung pun tak muat!

The scene in the toilet is the start of their friendship; I guess, I mean Adam makes an attempt to help many times even though his presence is not welcomed by anyone excluding the baby brother; Reza.  Reza sees Adam beyond his mistakes and sins.  He simply asks Adam to accompany him to the mosque and Adam again gets a sign.  Before that we can see Adam sacrifices himself, telling others that he is the one who breaks the wind when he realizes that Johan poops his pants.  This scene is heartfelt and funny and wow that is a big sacrifice.

They por

Adam 

The connection and transition from one scene to another is nice!  The one when Hafiz said "...basically he has no hope..." and then it spans out to a scene, a flashback where Adam was a little boy in a hospital where his mom is bedridden and a doctor just said that she had no chance of surviving and a few more. 

"Kalau kau tak kuat, kau kena pandai,

Kalau kau tak pandai, kena kuatlah"

                                                                 - Adam

Surah AzZumar. Ayat 053. Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): Wahai hamba-hambaKu yang telah melampaui batas terhadap diri mereka sendiri (dengan perbuatan-perbuatan maksiat), janganlah kamu berputus asa dari rahmat Allah, kerana sesungguhnya Allah mengampunkan segala dosa; sesungguhnya Dialah jua Yang Maha Pengampun, lagi Maha Mengasihani.

The film portrays good 

Reza trusting Adam

Johan too slowly after that.  Johan is willing due to his siblings, to make it less burdeb

I kinda upset when they made Lea, a government nurse making an attempt to steal some jars of medicine for their younger brother.  Also I don't think her character is necessary 

   ⭐

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Verse Novel: Timothy #3

Hear Me

darling hey,

hear me out

they don't want

you as bad

as I do

darling hey,

do believe me

make a wish

I'll make them

come true

darling hey,

if you are

wondering

yes you should

write me a 'hi'

darling hey,

ring me now

I'll pick up my

phone and be

all ears for you

darling hey,

call out for me

and I pull up

right on you

what you'd do?

darling hey,

been pondering

about me being

out and away

with you

darling hey,

people may think

I'm out of mind

but I'm happy

this way

Photography: Self Portraits

from a 30 day challenge with a friend, just a fun one, nothing serious.

day 1 self portrait

day 21 faceless self portrait

day 29 black and white (but conventional self portrait)

day 30 self portrait

Movie: Venom

⭐ 

⭐ 

⭐ 

⭐ 

⭐ 

⭐ 

⭐ 

⭐ 

GUH 

I love this

Rite after finished watching the movie I was about to write away my thoughts but then I had to pee and then I had to take a bath.  Lots of things went on my mind.  Bro offered to watch this last night but it was past midnight so ya.  Then today he said he had watched it and I kinda pissed like what can't you wait?  

It started of quite slow with Eddie and his love life with Annie (I was, is this the Marilyn Monroe actress and also reminds me of Potts, the hairstyle and suit).  Also, I'm not a fan when there's a romance in action movies.  I was even texting my friend when this movie was playing.

I like when Eddie thinks that he Venom should have let Annie come along for the battle.  In normal movies, the main/heroes always ask the others to stay put and to stay safe by being far away from them.  I like how Eddie actually wants her to join or something and also I love the fact that Annie said she can fight ugly and the fact that she does not require a lot of explanation and understands right away of what's going on with him.  She only freaked out once.  That scene is my most favorite scene 

hahaha, when he says he's inside of me. *insert pervert face* his voice of his, the about-to-cry voice is cute too and his British is showing.

and that part when Annie is trying to talk to Venom and Dan (her doctor boyfriend) is super confused. 

The entire movie he was looking like a shit just like what Mrs. Chen said haha he does!  I was like can you change the sweater and get a shower or wipe the sticky sweat off of your face?  but he's cute being that vulnerable so I forgive him for now,  HAHA.  Tom is a petite guy and I know it!  I always love him but I did not that eager to watch him and I think the only time I've seen him was in Inception (I think, I might seen him elsewhere) and I decided I want to love him.  All this time I thought he was this huge tall guy all beefed up and all but in this one I saw him like a cute guy and his character Eddie Brock I guess is supposed to be this less tough guy and all and then somewhere it came to me, somewhere in my head that he is a small guy (I mean to be compared with other celebs and western guys)  I think I've seen him with other actors and then that was when I knew oh he's not like other like all the Chris, and then I googled his height and I was pleased that I was right! (Ape ak merepek ni)

This movie is funny when I initially thought it was not supposed to be funny.  This movie is actually super cute and this thing, parasite (Venow super pissed when being called that) can actually talk and he communicates and slowly making friends with his host.  At first he threatens Eddie.  Towards the end he comes to like Eddie and also our planet Earth.  It has this cute friendship going on and it's an alien host thingy kind of story.  My first impression when I saw the trailer a lot long time ago, I never knw about Venom before, not in comics, or animations before, like zero knowledge about this guy.  But I never it was a alien thing I I did wonder what's up with him, is he a villain or something and it eats people.

Okay, that is a lot on fangirling on Eddie/Tom and Venom.

I think Eddie is strong vessel/host for Venom cause he's been holding in his fear and anger.  Kinda like he can withstand his anger so he's strong.  For example he wants to be mad at his neighbour (or he's basically just scared but I don't blame him for that, sometimes we are brave and sometimes we just don't want to risk shit but most of it I guess we're thinking is this even worth, don't at the end I'll hurt myself).  I hate that the bad guy is a strong host too.

"Apparently I have a parasite"

no he's not a coward (we're act the same if we were put in that situation)

This scene is nice too like they're one already, he allows it

"do you know this is dead??" not dialogue for this frame

Like a little boy awww

No control of his body

He's been doing this pose whenever he's mad LOL

This is when we know Eddie has grown attached to Venom, he reaches out

But really his acting is superb, he was really controlled by something and it's not easy task right

Photography: Blackout II

of mirror and lit candle

really really dark

Photography: Blackout

lit candle in a small jar

 

Bawah 100: Pemburu #4

Mata Adam memandang tajam ke arah Hisyam.  Hisyam kelihatan lemah dan memeluk tubuh, mengecilkan dirinya.

Kemarahan terserlah di wajah, sesekali matanya terpejam sambil terkumat-kamit sesuatu.  Angin kuat memekakkan alam.

“Syam!” Aku memekik dan mereka berpaling kearah aku. 

Muka Hisyam bertukar pucat sebaik sahaja mata kami bertemu.  Aku berdiri perlahan-lahan menahan diri dari diterbangkan ribut gila.

“Mikael, please!” Adam memandang aku.

“Adam dah bersetuju,” mata milik Adam kembali memandang Hisyam. 

Tiba-tiba Hisyam menyeringai seram. 

“NO NO, Syam?!” mataku terbeliak, aku tak keruan.

Tiba-tiba juga Hisyam lemah, tersenyum.

“It’s okay, Dani! Aku dah dapat dia.” 

Lantas menjatuhkan dirinya ke dalam lubang neraka.

    

    

     

ps: cite ni bukan idea asal ak,,cter ni kalu sape prasan adalah American tv shows, Supernatural.  Aku nk praktis tulis dlm BM tp yg ni yg kuar, ak xleh come up ngan idea sndiri lagi, so for the mean time ak gne ni dlu.

Writing 100 words exact or below is really hard when I suddenly have all the words I wanted to describe the moments..guhhhh.. so this is not my own story, but the words are mine.  I want to use something to jump start me in writing in my native language, and this happened.  This isn't my first.  I've written something that touches me when watching Supernatural, and it came to me naturally when I lay my hands on this keyboard to write.  I never written any angsty, action or action fantasy or thriller before both in English and BM, but I should try someday.

Bawah 100: Pemburu #3

Aku tercungap, berselang selikan dengan nafas yang ditarik dalam.  Perasaan yang entah tidak bernama, bercampur baur.  Air mata yang mula bertakung aku kesat dengan lengan baju aku yang kasar seperti denim. 

Aku kebalkan diri.  Luka-luka dalam dan lebam-lebam biru bertukar kebas.  Hanya perit di dalam hati yang terasa.

Apabila langkah semakin kecil aku berhenti dan bersembunyi di sebalik bangkai kereta buruk.  Aku mengintai dan aku nampak Adam.  Tapi dia bukan lagi Adam.  Aku nampak belakang Hisyam.  Dada aku ketat. 

Angin semakin kuat, seperti ribut, menerbangkan apa-apa yang menghalang dan dihumbankan ke dalam lubang berapi marak di tengah-tengah Adam dan Hisyam.

Bawah 100: Menanda

      Aku tersedar.  Walau di luar kedengaran hujan turun dan sesekali terdengar guruh perlahan, aku tahu hari dah lewat.  Hati ini sayu mengenang nasib sendiri.  Tangan aku meraba mencari telefon pintar yang aku yakin sudah beralih tempat.

          Apabila telefon di tangan aku tengok jam.  Bateri juga sudah berkurangan.  Wayar pengecas aku capai dan segera aku sambungankan dengan telefon ini.  Hanya cahaya kecil yang malap muncul.  

          Aku bangkit dari tilam yang tidak bercadar hanya selimut tebal aku jadikan alas.  Aku duduk di kerusi dan termenung lama sebelum pen merah aku sepit di celahan jari dan belek halaman buku.  Hati ini terasa sakit.

Photography: Annoy

Movie: Brother of The Year

Just finished watching this movie.  It all started when I asked Mumu what she was doing and she said movie and drama marathon and then the mentioning of this movie.  I was out looking for movies anyway so it was an instant decision to watch and I've seen the trailer (I guess was it heard somewhere).

I almost ugly cried towards the ending.  The intro and the mid were hilarious especially the part where the two families meet to discuss on their marriage.  Nickhun was here and wow he looks even cuter here and he can act, he seems natural and I envied the couple, why they have to be so beautiful and perfect.  Love the Japanese talking.  They sound natural to my non Japanese tongue tho.  I envied Nickhun tho, gah.  It was and funny when Mumu asked whether I know the movie and at first I was clueless but then I remembered one with kpop guy in it and she said woaa no wonder he looks so familiar (both of us forgot his name but we knw he's one of 2PM HAHAH)

I think the movie is a bit misleading with the title, but then it shows how lame is he, the brother.  I was hoping that at the end they might be showing some scenes where he is actually a good big brother.  All this while he's indeed the lame one, the bad one, the lazy one, the black sheep I guess and she is on the other hand is super opposite and mostly takes care of pretty much everything.

"I don't hate her, I just hate myself when I'm with her"

I also thought this movie would be about more on the brother's protest on the boyfriends of his sister, like not a straight away an easy up until marriage to this Moji guy.

I love this movie anyway.  Sweet relationship and rivalry between siblings.  How about times that to 4 but minus the sweet.  But I guess my own is similar to these duo.  Fights all the way.