Journal: Late Bloomer

I wanna dance in the dark 

(come on)

We gonna light up the night

(come on)

I hit Bluetooth button and 

the track played itself

but it's not from Spotify

Tonight, it was my first time 

driving back from school

the road was lit with 

not enough lamppost

my astigmatism eyes suffered

but they were better 

right now, on my way back

while eating my dinner

there were some chicken

but I poured only the lamb curry

on my rice and poppadoms too

I swiped open my screenlock

and hovered through status

'Late Bloomer' words appeared

These words always 

floating somewhere in my mind

I keep telling myself

that I am one of the late bloomers

Tonight Davis revealed his crush

after little pestering

I told him to be best of friends first

and this new girl friend of mine

we talked about boys and boy-band

like I was seventeen

just like her seventeen self

Of all these things in which

I never had with my own circle

I guess this is it for me

I am late because these are

made for me now I guess

it scares me that I might be

overly comfortable

There you go~

Getting so overly comfortable

Baby

Does it ever crossed your mind?

The lyric excerpt are from:

Dancing in The Dark by Rihanna

Fools by Madison Beer

my thoughts

ps: I better read that Late Bloomer ff too :P

Birthday: Pansy Project

I'm not sure if this friend of mine ever noticed that I saved her name as Pansy in my phone and I always think if she ever had an English name, Pansy would suit her the best.  At first it just came up to me and I've been using it ever since and as time goes by I can see how she is so resembles to this Pansy name, be it the name itself, the meaning, the flowers and if she is a color, I would see yellow.

So for her birthday last year, I want to make something special even though she's not a fan of poetry and fancy my writing especially poetry but why not hahha, but I bought her physical present as well so and I feel she does not like it well I don't like what I bought but I ran out of time at that time :(.

I planned on making a small chapbook consists of poems about her and our friendship without telling what they are; the symbols, imagery and stuffs well I figure she'll notice it herself, she's a smart girl.  But then I ran out of time and I can't come up with at least ten poems.

That night before her birthday, I sent her screenshots of the poems and I said something about we discuss on this later since I need to wake up early tomorrow (I'm such a killjoy that night) but I really was needed the sleep and I probably didn't sleep if we continue to chat.  But too bad, since then she never talked about the poems I sent.  (secretly I'm afraid to bring that up although I really want to know what she thinks of them and how they are meant for her).  Pansy Project is a name I came up with when planning on making the chapbook, since it is a project but I guess I needed a longer time and motivation.  Isn't it cool? To have other people make a secret project for you and named it after you?  Guhh

But I guess I am not what describe myself in these.

Gave her two birthday haiku!

the only things I posted publicly.

The poems for her about her and us:

urghh there are even the green lines 

Journal: Some Links on TESL

• Bloom's Taxonomy Posters
• Breaking News English 
• iteslj 
• English Club
• Info-graphic Tools

Journal: Upon Adulthood

English translation of this song

MELTED by AKMU

The blue ocean that the red sun used to wash its face turns black
The white sky that had clouds and rain and the wind turns gray
I leave the darkness that finds my heart
Even the cold shadow that covers the night starts to harden

If the ice melts, a warmer song would have come out
But why is the ice so cold? Why is it so cold?
Why are they so cold
Why are they so cold

The blue ocean that the red sun used to wash its face
I look at the past warmth that is deeply buried (too late get it out)
I wish the cold in the world of adults would be gone too

I wish the frozen love will melt away now

I leave the darkness that finds my heart

Even the cold shadow that covers the night starts to harden

If the ice melts, a warmer song would have come out
But why is the ice so cold? Why is it so cold?

If the ice melts, a warmer song would have come out
But why is the ice so cold? Why is it so cold?
Why are they so cold
Why are they so cold

Read more: http://www.kpoplyrics.net/akmu-melted-lyrics-english-romanized.html#ixzz4pvvufBvl

Such a beautiful song.  Written with talent and bad experience.  The symbols used are just so good.  So poetic and I like the line if the ice melts, a warmer song would have come out.  

It means a lot.

Guys, this is why I love poetry.  and this pretty much explains why I am such a sucker for some songs similar to this and I'm a crybaby you assholes and why I am AKMU's fan.  

I'm such a late bloomer, I only managed to figure myself about this passion of mine quite late and I'm not sure what to feel. 

So when I was looking for more videos for the previous entry, I browsed for AKMU, because they made beautiful songs and MVs and I remembered watching this one when they debuted and I like the MV and I like the boy (he's cute) and also I can't really remember what I thought of this MV the first time I saw it but I know I like the song.  But after watching it back just now, and I actually cried like really crying and I lied down on the cold floor of my room then I was thinking why would I watch something that is so frustrating, you know the boy had a hard time in the MV, even the dog betrayed him and when he thought that owh I can smile now because there's a dog but the dog barked at you and he lost it and he barked at it instead.  Like he is so frustrated, he lost his bags, and got beaten by an adult.  

Then, I sat up straight and I decided to read the comments and I saw this:

Not sure if I can show the names but this is not a bad thing and
I think it is okay to just leave the names here because they made a good comments anyway



and I was like woa I never thought it this way about the mv and the song.  I never learned the lyric anyway and I didn't watch any interviews on AKMU about their songs (I probably gonna do it after this)  And it hits me, it hits me real good and how I can totally relate this to my life right now and how it is so true.
So basically I am an adult now even though I don't feel like it and I feel so not fit in among the adults at my workplace since I'm working and I pay my own bills and actually have bills and drive my own car and so I guess that's adult enough to be called as adult.  I am not ready and at times I even feel like wanting to become friends with my teenage students because I just miss what they have with their friends and I want that back.

I officially a government school teacher for a year, yesterday was the anniversary of me and my fellow friends.  A day or two before that. I had a conflict with a colleague of mine and she's such a bitch and I hate her now and everything she does bother me a lot like please don't even talk to me as if there's nothing happened.  I never felt being hated like this before.  It sucks since you're alone there and I lost my utmost trust on them.  I really am.  I thought they were perfect but then this happened and I felt so out of place and how my mornings are ruined because of that critics she gave me and also every time I look at her.  What an asshole she is.

Then I remember everything that ever happened to me since I first got posted there and begin my life as a working adult.  That was the critical point where I really feel like ohh this is it, this is adulthood.  I don't even got excited when I got my first paycheck (not really a check) and the first time I saw the boss in that place, it was already bad enough, like she didn't seem to be welcoming me and all I needed that time was just comforting words, like bitch this is hard enough why make it hard on me and can't you even smile at me?

And can't you guys tell that I don't want this job?
I don't mind
and clearly
I made a mistake.
So don't go around and assume that I have nothing else if I don't have this job.
Can't you see this is complicated
really bitch?
YOU ARE AN ADULT
YOU GUYS ARE ALL ADULTS
and clearly you were once like me too
or was it easy for you?
and can you guys like stop asking me whether I have a boyfriend and some even asking me when will I get married?
Like does that really bother you? Mind your own business, bitches.

you guys treated me like I have a lot to give.
you treated me like I know everything.
You expect so much from me.
Can't you see I'm just a newbie adult?
I am sorry if I don't act like one because I never been an adult before and there's no fcking manual on that.
I'd call myself a late bloomer.
I know myself better than any of you.
I do.
Lucky for you guys if adulthood comes so naturally to you,
and read me thoroughly first instead of bombing me with your assumptions just because you are butt-hurting of my existence.

Currently my friends are having hard times, my best friend is sick and I feel helpless that I am not there with her and I feel so bad about it.  I sent comforting words that I really hope to comfort her but I know my words are nothing to her illness but I want you to know that I cried too but I have to be strong for you.
And my housemate, she suddenly shut herself from her friends, only negative status updates on fb and I don't even know why.  But the status was about work and her colleagues.  I don't even know what I am supposed to do and I'm scared.
I have a friend that said that she's depressed.  That she might have depression.  I know it's a lot more to that term, but if that what she feels then, that's enough.  She had enough, she's tired, she's sad and she's not happy.  She was so fine but then it just happened.  I understand that, and I feel restless about it.

AND YEAH ADULTS ARE COLD
give us a break you asshole morons
you guys are not helping anything
I never wanted to be like you guys anyway
but it just happen.
we just grow old.
You guys give many bad examples and expect me to accept them?
I feel you, AKMU.
Our first time as an adult facing other adults and it sucks.

Ya you guys have it hard too, but don't let it on us
vent on your kids instead.
They're gonna be like me like my friends someday
they'll be adults too and the way I act will be theirs too.
so stop complaining about your marriage and rely on us the not married ones.
What if I don't get married at all?
(again with the assumptions I'll get married one day, that bitch even said how can I "branak pinak kalu tu pun xtaw"
HEY BITCH
first, you eavesdroppin?? and think that's okay for you to make an opinion right there right then when I was actually not talking to you, bitch? and did I ask for your opinion, bitch?
and secondly, I was only asking silly things about my chocolate spread, I was just trying to be a goodie2 girl to my desk neighbor person, is that really a bother that I want to be manja2??  If you were joking, you're not funny.

Journal: New Home

We spent our first night here last night in our new home!

I wish I have my close friends here helping around, not that I really need the help but watching movies where their friends are there with them, unload and unpack things up, this is just a perfect picture.  But anyway I never told them I'm actually moving houses again.  The last time I told them, some of them were upset and I was sorry but I have my own reasons.  I'm sorry guys.  I appreciate it.

Anyway the house decoration and furniture arrangement are not yet finished and we need another two or three more trips to finally clear the old house out from the stuff.  OMG there's a lot of stuff, really a lot. phew.  I wish I work here so I can help everyday, every evening and every night. TT

Today, we got rid of many things including some shoes, great shoes of mine.  I always love high heels but I can never really wear them anywhere (mostly on wedding kenduri).  I have problems with my feet too TT

Oh ya, a reminder for me of Jason 

TeachingStuff: Reflection: Tutor class (Thu Class;2nd week)

Last night, I again had to cover the 3rd grade class, (next week I’ll be teaching Form 3 students hmm).  There were 2 girls, cute, small girls but with big voice.  I handed out the module prepared by the center and they were a bit shocked cuz it’s too much haha but I reminded them it was for the entire year, I guess.

This class was the 2nd class of the nite, the 1st one was the 4th & 5th graders..on English subject as well as this. 

We started with the 1st pg, speaking task, so I recorded them but they insisted I keep it private. hahha. They are fast learners, they remmber things fast and I only guide them…they r 9 rite.

Then after a few tasks, one girl asked if we can do something else like the last week lesson (I did on the to/too/two question and remmbered the polka dot stuff I told glad she learned somthing from me haha) but then I told her we have to do what the book tells you too. then we continued to the Proper& Common nouns stuffs. They were freezing and had to move a lot but I let them be cuz theyre kids and theyre still under control and just only the two of them.  I love it when the girl waved & greeted me when I passed the hallway.  She even asked if I wanted to drink first cuz last week I asked for a lil time off cuz I needed to buy a drink.  Teaching is a thirsty thing.

Throughout the task on nouns, we encountered the noun ‘mother’, while I was checking their works, I sang the song by John Lennon called Mother! hahha cuz whenver we encountered this word we would say it the same way John did in his song!

I can’t help myself, I told them about the song and who made it and what is it about, including the movie Nowhere Boy hahahha!  I can’t believe this! I even showed them the photos of John Lennon and Aaron Johnson and how gorgeous these men r (especially on Aaron) hahahha I showed John’s pic and one girl went “oo handsome”and the other “hensem ke?” ahahhaha, then I showed Aaron and yeah they said yup he is!  Im a proud teacher ahahhaha..

“Children, don’t do what I have done” <– I taught this verse and explained it.

One girl told me she wanted to watch it but I told her that you have to ask your dad because the movie is not for kids and yeah don’t tell them that I told this to u hahahhahahah.  what ive done.  I kinda wanted to cry telling this tale of late John Lennon and they agreed it is indeed a sad sad story.  I bet one girl sniveled.

Then this one girl’s older siblings came in and she told her brother and how she wanted to borrow his phone,, haha I cant believe he is 10 and he owns a hp.   The brother is out of control, thank god he’s bright kid, he laughed the entire time and all. quite hectic ha ha.

There’s so much more thing to write but I stop rite here 1st.

In all, these classes are better than the last time.  And I didnt knw I could tell stories to kids and that they actually listen. wow.

I have to start preparing exam questions.  And this probably my last time teaching  these wonderful 3rd graders, I have to teach the form 3! God, big kids. Tho Im specialized in teaching big kids…but they are different..hmm.

I originally wrote this on tumblr: 15th Jan 2016 -_- then I thought, why? when I have this blogspot. 

Journal: Aunthood

A conversation I had with a friend of mine through texting triggered me to make this post.  We were kinda talking about siblings stuff and all and then, I began to wonder whether having younger siblings is the same as having nieces or nephews, because she claimed so and that I think otherwise, I disagree to her statement.  And I asked another friend of mine whether a person who is the youngest in which they do not have any baby/younger/little siblings after them know how it feels like to have one.  Can they relate this kind of feelings and stuff.  This friend said it depends on situations or events but she strongly feel that the youngest will never know how it feels like to be a big sister or brother, I myself cannot understand thoroughly how it feels like to be a big brother, or to be the oldest one.  I'm the middle child.  I have two older siblings and two younger ones.  So I might understand how it feels like to be the younger one and also to be older one.  I can be both.  But being an older sister makes me a better younger sister to my two older siblings.  I know exactly how to treat them and I know exactly how to break their hearts.  This sounds so cheesy but yeah they've broke my hearts thousand times a day, so called brat-annoying-insensitive siblings. but that's what siblings do right? hahah, but I'm pretty sure they don't feel so hurtful like I always did...I'm the poyo girl who takes everything so seriously. 

Anyway this is supposed to be how entering aunthood changes my life.  It's been almost ten months (she was nine months when I started to write this) since I entered this aunthood life, eventho I don't see my little niece face to face as often as I want, it does not change the fact that I am an aunt.

This is a total life changing and to be honest I'm not good around kids, I naturally don't like kids, I don't hate them but I am not fond of them at any cause.  If you see how frequent I change my FB cover photos of kids or todds, this is only because they are models and they are super beautiful and I envied them and they make a good cover photo, obviously! (And yeah cuz my bro wont allow me to upload female without covering especially, so no Rihanna eventho my fingers itch to upload Riri's photos).  I'll be the one who is okay to no be holding or having babies or kids in my arms or around me.  I have this feeling that kids despise me too, and I see them as adults too, I speak to them like one, I don't go babbling or do the baby talk or anything.  It sounds cruel right, Idk, but it is me, I don't feel comfortable around them cuz I feel they're not comfortable around me and the fact that it feels awkward for not behaving or responding like any other people around me.  I don't want people to know that, especially the babies' parents,, ya because maybe they would be thinking "OMG she's bad, I can't hand over my kid to her" .. that fears me a lot.. I know I'm like that but do not point it out.

But I was there, the day she was born and made me an official aunt.  I remembered not getting the feeling yet. I didn't know how to feel, what to feel, what to say and stuff.  My sister-in-law had to get Cesarean because of complications and all.  It was my first time seeing people having babies, I mean being in the hospital and pay a visit to them but not exactly witnessing the birth, I only watch those on You tube, pretty explicit.  and another best part of this journey was that my childhood, best friend was there! Both of us didnt know we were under the same roof, she was on her posting practical stuff, a medical student she is and I was happen to give a text to her saying I am in Temerloh and all and she said ohh which hospital,,and then we hang out,, she got to see my niece. and I'm glad even though we rarely in touch but she is there on my big days & all. Thanks. I miss you.

I was filming my brother and he was being himself but I know he was nervous and scared but he remained calm as usual.  And then my sis-in-law was being pushed and she was smiling and her baby was on her covered legs.  She was so so small.

And it was the next day that we got to see both mommy and baby.  Omma actually offered me to hold and I was honored to be told that but I declined as she was so small.  And the first thing I fell in love on her was her lips! I super love her small lips and the way she puckers them! That, is a clear image in head.  Ya i love her lips.

As an aunt, I noticed myself to be a bit tolerate with small kids now, I started to feel attracted to my cousins' beautiful children, and they like me and I feel good bout myself when they enjoy my company and I was like a child myself sometimes.  I even got the chance to babysit 3yo and 6yo other cousins, which are hectic and new experience to me.  I got to bathe them, feed them, change the diapers and also got in fights a lot!  The small one often got things he touches to be broken into pieces and claims everything as his and all. *sorry for grammar mistakes ==' *

I can be her friend, she can rely on me to be cuddlish, I will be the strict aunt oh I know I will XD, I'll buy her stuffs, I'll put on fancy clothes and boots, get her to love what I love, everything and knowing there's a child (I want more, I hope my other sibs get married fast XD) to love and be loved is a huge thing and I hope I don't messed up and all.  and yeah for me siblings are not the same as having niece or nephews.  They're have connection but in different ways. as for me, me and siblings, we don't hug,,as much as I want it to be happened, it just does not work in my place, I enjoy good and cute and close relationship between siblings (reasons to love Lucky Smith and his sisters, and Queen is getting married) but it just cant happen in mine,,idk but we are in a good term believe me, But with niece,nephews, I can be the most huggable person haha what a word.  I'll be preparing milk or baby food n all. idk.

and I also think that having one at this age and not when I was way much younger is a thing too.  It brings different kind of feeling I guess,  Different environment and all, or having such a close age gap with your niece and nephews does makes you different in how you view these relationship.

"On this day, I would like to wish her

Happy 10th month, Zaraa!"

Journal: Supernatural

*spoiler*

So hey~ I am currently at the 9th season of Supernatural.  I'm like way back behind but I don't mind this, I'm proud of myself and also sometimes got shocked with spoiler around the net, no one to blame.  This season, it is overwhelming, intense, sad, pain & etc.  Great plot tho I have a few questions here and there but I dont want to spoil the fun, get along.  

Not very long time ago I found a vid clip of narration. It got me the first time I saw the clip, and back then I was in the earlier seasons if not mistaken.  But then I decided to find again and I found it and how the video clip gives me a much clearer view of what it is about.  I love the narration, the montage of Dean's hurting in and out, it really is about him hurting, restless, hopeless and while writing this I am putting the clip on loop.  The piano and her voice are really perfect together makes we want to find Dean and be there for him, I cried.  Ya these later seasons got me crying a lot and I admit I am highly get touchy2 and all.

It's like you're screaming and no one can hear..
You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important
that without them you feel like nothing
no one will never understand how much it hurts
you feel hopeless
but nothing can save you
and when it's over and it is gone
you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back
so you can have the good.

After I watched most of the scenes included in above clip, I understand that this piece is really about him and in few episodes when Sam finally understand what's been happening and how he is so pissed at Dean and said how he really ready to die and Dean won't let that happen.

"You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important

that without them you feel like nothing" 

above lines, exactly what Sam had dropped on him.  If we look on both Dean and Sam's views, Sam would say that Dean is like that, Sam said in 9.13: "I was ready to die.  I was ready.  I should have died, but you... You didn't want to be alone, and that's what all this boils down to.  You can't stand the thought of being alone".  I was like HOW COULD YOU, SAM! and Dean was like or was I, I was like yaa Dean cannot stand the idea of being alone, but that's true but he wants to save you and he believes that you can be saved...Dean is selfish to Sam, but idk ,,he's your brother and to Dean, Sam is like everything to him  even Sam cannot hear him screaming.,and that last part of that episode when Sam said he wouldn't do the same for Dean.  you just break your only brother's heart there.  And along the episode, scenes, before this one, Dean is actually been thinking how Sam said "if you want work, then we work, but if you want to be brothers..*silence*" This one uwaaaaaa, "And I was just being honest" he said.. Ya of course Dean didn't get to sleep that night,,

It's like if I know there's still chances, I'd choose to be selfish just for the other person to be back on feet.  Sam also being a selfish dude when he decided to let things go and to die...he wasn't trying hard enough I guess.  Both of them are in great distressed and all, time is running out and all ya it's super tough.

for the clip, who ever made this, wrote this, I want to like be friends with and share our thoughts or something cuz right now I have no one to share my thoughts about this series, amazing.  Of course other series are just as great and it is just me who do not have the time in the world for them all.  I know I'd fall in love with every single of them but for now I decide not to.  Besides I am a slow watcher *if that's a word* 

Script 9.13 'The Purge'

Journal: Of the many things I couldn't say

“I'm afraid my voice is going to break. I am afraid she is going to hear how much this hurts.”

― Holly Black, Red Glove

Sensitive people are the most genuine and honest people you will ever meet. There is nothing they won’t tell you about themselves if they trust your kindness. However, the moment you betray them, reject them or devalue them, they become the worse type of person. Unfortunately, they end up hurting themselves in the long run. They don’t want to hurt other people. It is against their very nature. They want to make amends and undo the wrong they did. Their life is a wave of highs and lows. They live with guilt and constant pain over unresolved situations and misunderstandings. They are tortured souls that are not able to live with hatred or being hated. This type of person needs the most love anyone can give them because their soul has been constantly bruised by others. However, despite the tragedy of what they have to go through in life, they remain the most compassionate people worth knowing, and the ones that often become activists for the broken hearted, forgotten and the misunderstood. They are angels with broken wings that only fly when loved.
― Shannon L. Alder

“There are certain children who are told they are too sensitive, and there are certain adults who believe sensitivity is a problem that can be fixed in the way that crooked teeth can be fixed and made straight. And when these two come together you get a fairytale, a kind of story with hopelessness in it.
 I believe there is something in these old stories that does what singing does to words. They have transformational capabilities, in the way melody can transform mood.
 They can't transform your actual situation, but they can transform your experience of it. We don't create a fantasy world to escape reality; we create it to be able to stay. I believe we have always done this, used images to stand and understand what otherwise would be intolerable.”
― Lynda Barry, What It Is 

Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods.  To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate.  It is not the empath who is broken, it is society that has become dysfunctional and emotionally disabled.  There is no shame in expressing your authentic feelings.  Those who are at times described as being a 'hot mess' or having 'too many issues' are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more caring, humane world.  Never be ashamed to let your tears shine a light in  this world.

- Anthon St. Maarten 

Thanks and credit to whomever gather this quotes 

goodreads

But I believe I make no trouble with them surrounding me.  I don't make faces, I don't skip a day without talking to them, there's always the aftermath feelings of what ever occur to me that breaks me down.  I'm goofy, trust me  But here I am, strangers can see through me, I'm said to be self motivated, an yeah he's right, I picked myself up.

I'm not surprised
Not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times,
I stopped keepin' track.
Talk myself in
I talk myself out
I get all worked up
Then I let myself down.
I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought, I thought of every possibility
And I know someday that it'll all turn out

                                            - Michael Buble Haven't Met You Yet

Ya I expect many things from them cuz I thought it's normal *sigh* I envied looking at others' friendship, how strong they are, how cool they are, how awesome they are, how theyre gonna look back together and how stupid or cool they were,  I don't have this.  We skipped what I thot the crucial time of a friendship lives, the teen time idk,,,and now we're no longer teens.  What we should experience, what we should learn, what we should be talking about and more, we don't have that.

I'm the type who would be my friends' biggest fan, I'm obsessed about their lives, wanting to know what they've been through, the types of guys they wish to be with, the kind of girls they wish to be, I want to know what they think of my playlist (but too afraid to show, reasons of not showing my writings), I'd read their journal and blogs and wait for their updates, like all of their uploaded photos on instagram, fbs and I wish they have youtube or vine ahhahha, I'll be the first to share!  I want somebody who I can be mad at but they won't be mad for long, I want to be with friends who criticize my Rihanna but listen to Rihanna's badass songs anyways, friends who would buy me crazy gifts and I would return the favor with crazier gifts but it's me who would be the first to give so heheh, Friends who I can get matching tattoo with! This kind but of course we won't! Haramm!  Friends who let me colour my hair, do what I dare, criticize me but they do the same anyway and laugh their butts off.,go getaway together, when they don't understand me, they ask. Friends who are comfortable with introducing their soulmate/boyfriends/ or whatever to me, Idk,, I just want to be a part of their love journey, of course not in a bad way, duhh hehe, it's fun I'm telling you, be your wingman (wing girl), I will not b envied cuz I know how you guys are givin me enuf love HAHA.

I'm sorry I kinda drifted away from kpop too, I know how it feels like to be the person at the other end...my friend did the same but I got over with already.  I too have weird friend who only love that particular band and will be quitting when the band is no longer there, that is soo weird.. come on there's so much to love out there!  So much to see and appreciate! It's hard to be a fan, we all know that. I've missed so much of them (that shows, these shows n basically everything), I finally decided to just let it passes me by.  Cuz it upsets and troubles me if I can't have them all, u get me? I still loving them but my discs are always full, I've lost my laptop, the bands are too active, they move too fast for a basic fangirl like me.  I've so many things to do yet so little time.
Ya I want these, I'm selfish I know,
but others can.

But then, they must've think I'm asking too much, get myself a life or anything... I can't do the same since they don't let me in..It's hard. Some people I know, would be criticizing of this kind of person I am, they say "you can always find other friends, don't wait for them", I'm too emotional and all.  Idk,,they are the friends I wish to bring to Akhirah.  This is to 'To the infinity and beyond"

"I'm hurtin baby
I'm broken down"

"I'm right here, 'cause I need
Little love and little sympathy"

 *sigh*

#np Eleena Harris -Die In Your Arms

Oh, I can't help it, I'm just selfish
There's no way that I could share you
That would break my heart to pieces
Honestly the truth is...

Ooh, if there is a reason to call me a fool
'Cause I love too hard

The Atomics

I'm still new with their music and I've listened to their new single 'Too Late' on youtube and it is not really my cup of tea but they're talented and they're good :-D. But maybe I can fall in love with their other songs~ Check them out!

First of all, I was introduced to Lucky and he was the first I knew from the band members from a friend of mine.  I forgot how it started but I was talking about something maybe on male celebs crushes and then she told to look out for a guy named Lucky.  I was confused at first because the name obviously and so I looked up and I was in love! hahha too bad he is a kid!  He does not look like one but he just turns 17 and he is 6'3" and a model!  OMG why?? hahhah.  He is a social media heartthrob... and then I learned his band, The Atomics which consisted of three sisters of his! I guess from his Instagram if not mistaken.  There's always a pic of him with a bleached haired girl just like his and sometimes with other two more girls and they look alike and I was curious!

I've always love sibs or things that come in sets.  I looked up just how I always do and then I slowly come to learn that they are siblings and Lucky is the youngest and the only son in the family and three of them are models.  

They're hot and beautiful family.  This is not even enough, I even love their names!!     Starlie Cheyenne (21), Daisy Clementine (19), Pyper America (18) and Lucky Blue (17)... aren't these the cutest combos ever?? LOVE, I love their siblings' love, how they are really really close together, they are bandmates and models!  Just look at their selfies and magazine photo shoots, they are so loving and coooool.  Just play the video...(I am so jealousss )

I even named one of my sims; twin sims; Beige Moss & Blue Lucky (after him).   Hahaah I'm such a sucker for Western names.

I am following all of their Ig.

The Atomics

@theatomics

@queenstarlie

@daisyclementine

@pyperamerica

@luckybsmith

ps: this sibs remind me of my cousins' children, three older sisters and a boy,, theyre still babies but I think they will be my next obsession! They are wonderful beautiful kids!!

my long left sims 4 (laptop is dead ) I was in the middle of playing a cool family and am planning to do a crazy background story for them  anyways~>  hahha look at how the Castle and Forest are related! 

The Forests

The Castles

hehe just a younger Cara

Keep rocking it, guys!

Love you

Love