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Journal: Upon Adulthood

English translation of this song

MELTED by AKMU

The blue ocean that the red sun used to wash its face turns black
The white sky that had clouds and rain and the wind turns gray
I leave the darkness that finds my heart
Even the cold shadow that covers the night starts to harden

If the ice melts, a warmer song would have come out
But why is the ice so cold? Why is it so cold?
Why are they so cold
Why are they so cold

The blue ocean that the red sun used to wash its face
I look at the past warmth that is deeply buried (too late get it out)
I wish the cold in the world of adults would be gone too

I wish the frozen love will melt away now

I leave the darkness that finds my heart

Even the cold shadow that covers the night starts to harden

If the ice melts, a warmer song would have come out
But why is the ice so cold? Why is it so cold?

If the ice melts, a warmer song would have come out
But why is the ice so cold? Why is it so cold?
Why are they so cold
Why are they so cold

Read more: http://www.kpoplyrics.net/akmu-melted-lyrics-english-romanized.html#ixzz4pvvufBvl

Such a beautiful song.  Written with talent and bad experience.  The symbols used are just so good.  So poetic and I like the line if the ice melts, a warmer song would have come out.  

It means a lot.

Guys, this is why I love poetry.  and this pretty much explains why I am such a sucker for some songs similar to this and I'm a crybaby you assholes and why I am AKMU's fan.  

I'm such a late bloomer, I only managed to figure myself about this passion of mine quite late and I'm not sure what to feel. 

So when I was looking for more videos for the previous entry, I browsed for AKMU, because they made beautiful songs and MVs and I remembered watching this one when they debuted and I like the MV and I like the boy (he's cute) and also I can't really remember what I thought of this MV the first time I saw it but I know I like the song.  But after watching it back just now, and I actually cried like really crying and I lied down on the cold floor of my room then I was thinking why would I watch something that is so frustrating, you know the boy had a hard time in the MV, even the dog betrayed him and when he thought that owh I can smile now because there's a dog but the dog barked at you and he lost it and he barked at it instead.  Like he is so frustrated, he lost his bags, and got beaten by an adult.  

Then, I sat up straight and I decided to read the comments and I saw this:

Not sure if I can show the names but this is not a bad thing and
I think it is okay to just leave the names here because they made a good comments anyway



and I was like woa I never thought it this way about the mv and the song.  I never learned the lyric anyway and I didn't watch any interviews on AKMU about their songs (I probably gonna do it after this)  And it hits me, it hits me real good and how I can totally relate this to my life right now and how it is so true.
So basically I am an adult now even though I don't feel like it and I feel so not fit in among the adults at my workplace since I'm working and I pay my own bills and actually have bills and drive my own car and so I guess that's adult enough to be called as adult.  I am not ready and at times I even feel like wanting to become friends with my teenage students because I just miss what they have with their friends and I want that back.

I officially a government school teacher for a year, yesterday was the anniversary of me and my fellow friends.  A day or two before that. I had a conflict with a colleague of mine and she's such a bitch and I hate her now and everything she does bother me a lot like please don't even talk to me as if there's nothing happened.  I never felt being hated like this before.  It sucks since you're alone there and I lost my utmost trust on them.  I really am.  I thought they were perfect but then this happened and I felt so out of place and how my mornings are ruined because of that critics she gave me and also every time I look at her.  What an asshole she is.

Then I remember everything that ever happened to me since I first got posted there and begin my life as a working adult.  That was the critical point where I really feel like ohh this is it, this is adulthood.  I don't even got excited when I got my first paycheck (not really a check) and the first time I saw the boss in that place, it was already bad enough, like she didn't seem to be welcoming me and all I needed that time was just comforting words, like bitch this is hard enough why make it hard on me and can't you even smile at me?

And can't you guys tell that I don't want this job?
I don't mind
and clearly
I made a mistake.
So don't go around and assume that I have nothing else if I don't have this job.
Can't you see this is complicated
really bitch?
YOU ARE AN ADULT
YOU GUYS ARE ALL ADULTS
and clearly you were once like me too
or was it easy for you?
and can you guys like stop asking me whether I have a boyfriend and some even asking me when will I get married?
Like does that really bother you? Mind your own business, bitches.

you guys treated me like I have a lot to give.
you treated me like I know everything.
You expect so much from me.
Can't you see I'm just a newbie adult?
I am sorry if I don't act like one because I never been an adult before and there's no fcking manual on that.
I'd call myself a late bloomer.
I know myself better than any of you.
I do.
Lucky for you guys if adulthood comes so naturally to you,
and read me thoroughly first instead of bombing me with your assumptions just because you are butt-hurting of my existence.

Currently my friends are having hard times, my best friend is sick and I feel helpless that I am not there with her and I feel so bad about it.  I sent comforting words that I really hope to comfort her but I know my words are nothing to her illness but I want you to know that I cried too but I have to be strong for you.
And my housemate, she suddenly shut herself from her friends, only negative status updates on fb and I don't even know why.  But the status was about work and her colleagues.  I don't even know what I am supposed to do and I'm scared.
I have a friend that said that she's depressed.  That she might have depression.  I know it's a lot more to that term, but if that what she feels then, that's enough.  She had enough, she's tired, she's sad and she's not happy.  She was so fine but then it just happened.  I understand that, and I feel restless about it.

AND YEAH ADULTS ARE COLD
give us a break you asshole morons
you guys are not helping anything
I never wanted to be like you guys anyway
but it just happen.
we just grow old.
You guys give many bad examples and expect me to accept them?
I feel you, AKMU.
Our first time as an adult facing other adults and it sucks.

Ya you guys have it hard too, but don't let it on us
vent on your kids instead.
They're gonna be like me like my friends someday
they'll be adults too and the way I act will be theirs too.
so stop complaining about your marriage and rely on us the not married ones.
What if I don't get married at all?
(again with the assumptions I'll get married one day, that bitch even said how can I "branak pinak kalu tu pun xtaw"
HEY BITCH
first, you eavesdroppin?? and think that's okay for you to make an opinion right there right then when I was actually not talking to you, bitch? and did I ask for your opinion, bitch?
and secondly, I was only asking silly things about my chocolate spread, I was just trying to be a goodie2 girl to my desk neighbor person, is that really a bother that I want to be manja2??  If you were joking, you're not funny.

Chat: That boy again

Upon going out of class 2 (1-1) (good class) (1period):

Boy A: Teacher umur brape?
Me: ha?
Boy S: 26 kan?
Me: aihhh nooo.aritu da bgtaw tkkan da lupa
Boy S: 23?

Me to A: why the sudden question? Nape ttibe tnye umur,
It's 19**

Boy N (sit from other group): utk mengenal cg dgn lebih rapat.

Me: *gelak*

Saw Boy A & Boy S calculating (i was quite far but can see theyre scribbling smthing n it looked like yg bntuk lazim tu hahahaha)
Me: woihh calculate lambat benao

Chat: Boy

When your student responded unexpectedly

Me: Bro, tulislah bro

Boy: Okay, sis

Me: *cringing*

They laughed.  I too laughed.